


I Don't Care As Long As You're Mine

by lokiperfect



Series: starforce [1]
Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: ALL THE ANGST, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Armitage Hux Needs A Hug, Bar Room Brawl, Drunk Hux, Force-Sensitive Hux, Hangover, Hux throwing a tantrum, I mean, Kylo is not equipped to deal with Hux, Kylo tries to be helpful, Light Angst, M/M, Post-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Space Battles, The Force, but he tries anyway, running away from Snoke together, sort of redemption fic but not really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-01
Updated: 2017-11-17
Packaged: 2018-09-13 22:53:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 17,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9145708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lokiperfect/pseuds/lokiperfect
Summary: The fall of Starkiller brings about changes in the Force. As punishment for the failure of the superweapon, Snoke pushes at Hux's mental strength  and brings about his latent Force sensitivity. Now finishing Kylo Ren's training means he has to teach the ex-General.It doesn't go as either of them planned.





	1. the new awakening

He woke up to a scream. 

Trying to listen to it, Kylo realized that it wasn’t him who was screaming. Scraps of memory of a blue lightsaber, red light on blackened trees, pain across his face, a shadow falling over him. What was it? 

The scream again – piercing the air, drawing Kylo’s attention to it. The sleep did not want to let him go from its grasp. The shadow, at Starkiller. Someone came to get him, haul his failed body off the planet’s surface. And, likely it was just the one person, who would follow all the orders given, without questioning them, or thinking of their own safety at all. Damn Hux. 

A greatcoat’s shadow falling over him on Starkiller. And now screaming. 

It was _Hux_ was screaming. 

Kylo groaned where he lay and tried to blink away the sleep. He was on a cot, seemingly in medical, with a droid hovering in the corner. This was Snoke’s citadel. So it seemed that Hux had grabbed him off the planet and brought him to Snoke. Probably on orders.

But he had failed – and now surely in waiting of punishment. Because the scavenger ( _Rey, her name is Rey_ his mind whispered) wasn’t swayed. Rejection. She didn’t want Kylo’s teachings and tutelage of the Force. 

Snoke told Kylo to deliver her to him. _He failed, he failed!_

The screaming wouldn’t stop. Though the voice had shifted – it started to sound like bleeding. Kylo figured Hux didn’t have long left, and he was next in line for punishment. Except he was most likely to be left alive ( _Hopefully_ , his traitorous mind whispered once again. _It would give hope to me as well_ ), to go find Rey and bring her to Snoke. 

All the choices he had made and sacrifices done for the dark, and all he had now in his grasp was a cot in medical and the horrific background noise of Hux screaming. Killing _Ha-_ him did not plunge him straight into darkness – no, it tethered him even closer to light, reminding him of all the things he had snuffed out in his head. Kylo wished for Hux to stop screaming, so he might have his own chance to howl his hurts at the universe.

Wait. 

The screaming – it had already stopped. It was the buzzing in his own head that had filled up the background noise for the past minutes.

Was Hux done for? 

They weren’t even friends, so that shouldn’t bother him in the least. Still, Hux was the one to pull him off Starkiller. Even if only on orders. But it was done now and here he was. Every minute shifting and movement pulled on his skin, causing pain. Abdomen, shoulder, face. If he couldn’t move, then he had to reach out with the Force, even if it was like crawling over glass at the moment. 

“NO.” Snoke’s voice reverberated across his mind. It left an echo, repeating nononononono on an endless loop. Kylo grit his teeth and fell back onto the bed. His movement made the droid in the corner to boot up and come towards him. Kylo wished to slam the thing back into the wall just out of spite. 

“Wait your turn.” Snoke continued, when the final echo of no tapered off.

Kylo’s tongue itched to ask what happened to Hux, _why did he stop screaming_ , but he knew to obey his master. The droid advanced. All he could do right now was to growl at it. 

Sleep, artificially induced, pulled him down soon. Just on the brink of dreaming he thought that he heard the screaming start anew.

 

~~

 

When he awoke next, it was to complete silence. 

Kylo did not know how much time he had missed, and the medi-droid was absent. The air smelled of bacta and his own breath. But it was considerably easier to move. The new skin pulled, but the open feeling of bleeding was absent. 

Kylo did not want to pull Snoke’s ire to himself, did not want to ‘wait his turn’. He did not reach out, looking for Hux. 

He despised Hux ( _didn’t he?_ ) and felt overwhelmingly good any time he managed to irritate his co-commander; but objectively he knew Hux was good for the First Order. Then again, Kylo and Snoke’s goals did not always match up with the goals of the Order.

Hux’s punishment was what he deserved. 

It was something Kylo kept repeating to himself since he woke up. Trepidation to what was about to happen to his own person, and thinking on what had happened to Hux was pushed somewhere deeper in his mind. Not to think about it. Not now.

The first objective he set to himself was to get out of this bed and find Snoke, throwing himself at his mercy and pleading for forgiveness. Promising to find Rey and bring her here. Buying his forgiveness in any way he could fathom.

Leaving medical was exhausting, but he tapped into the Force, limiting himself to his own immediate surroundings, not wanting Snoke in his head too soon. Unwilling to confirm for himself Hux’s probably demise or - being mangled by his own Supreme Leader.

It was probably no more than few days since Starkiller. But Kylo knew that it was ample time for Rey to reach the Resistance. And from there – find Luke Skywalker. Kylo would bet Hux’s life that Rey was looking at the Jedi Master at this very second. It would be typical of the Force – teasing its users across the galaxy. 

 

~~

 

Snoke wasn’t far, that much Kylo was certain of. He stumbled near the doorway, but walked the last few feet separating him from his Snoke unwavering. On the ground at his feet was Hux – his limbs splayed, not moving much. Finally focusing on him Kylo saw that he was still breathing. 

He tried to suppress a sigh of relief but failed. Snoke turned to him focusing his entire being onto Kylo. letting him know – completely and intimately, like a drill to the brain, but far more painfully – that the level of disappointment for Kylo is absolute and total. All that with just a look of disappointment.

But Hux was alive. Unknown for how long – but in the short term Kylo could feel less alone in Snoke’s citadel. The question of his own punishment was still looming ahead. Perhaps there will be no time to contemplate the loneliness after its been meeted out. 

“You failed.”

Kylo tried to come up with an excuse, or with a promise, and a future plan to make up for his failure, but Snoke didn’t even let him start talking. “And you will keep failing. I am done with you.”

Now this sent Kylo reeling – Snoke was his master, his guide and teacher in the dark side. He couldn’t be done with him. How could he be done with him? He wasn’t done!

“But I-.” Kylo didn’t finish his sentence when Snoke took a step towards him and Force-slammed his still sore body into the ground. Making him crumble, panting – as if he was a piece of flimsi, ineffective against even wind.

“Remember your place.”

Han’s words about Snoke using him repeated themselves in Kylo’s head, making him shiver. He had to shake his head trying to get them to go away. _No- Snoke had to- he had to keep teaching Kylo_. The dark side was too vast, too unknown and impressive to give up.

“Your ‘performance’ is lacking. You were asked to bring the girl. Yet I don’t see her.” 

Kylo had to pull up his gaze from the floor, where Hux was still. Unconscious, _not dead notdeadpleasenotdead_. With no evidence of blood on him. But. In the Force, that permeated the room, he felt like an open wound, bleeding all over. 

Kylo had to pull himself out, to close off some important part of himself from accessing the Force. Just so he can be in the same room as him. If Snoke was able to capture his entire attention and being, and pull him close – showing power without much effort. Then at this moment Hux felt like a bleeding void, eating up everything that wasn’t tethered or guarded.

“I-”. Kylo had to take a breath and make himself silent on the topic of Hux. He tried not to think on what exactly Snoke had done to him – something that left him alive ( _screaming, all the screaming_ ) but so injured in the Force. 

“You know nothing, Kylo Ren.” Snoke said.

There was nothing Kylo could say to that. No response was coming, trying to break through his lips.

Snoke stepped forward – now standing right over Hux. Another step would mean crushing him underfoot. Instead of that Snoke nudged Hux’s body, making him startle. And wake up. 

A gasp and a groan, Hux trying to curl up in a ball unsuccessfully. But clearly alive. _Alive._ Kylo kept his gaze rooted on him, he couldn’t even look at Snoke right now. Hux kept shivering, muscles in his hand and feet were twitching, indicating possible nerve damage or a seizure. Kylo tried not to think what the dark side and the Force itself could do to someone who wasn’t Force-sensitive. 

“And even now you are wrong.” Kylo didn’t even sense Snoke in his mind, so preoccupied with Hux and his continued shivering on the floor. Hux was trying to blink away something, unable to open his eyes. In the Force it felt like something dark and horrible was trying to crawl out of him. Kylo was half-afraid and half-fascinated. 

Snoke had done something to Hux.

The General didn’t feel as he used to – in the Force. Something horribly wrong was done to him. 

“Every single thing in the universe has the Force. But not every thing in the universe can manipulate it, can use it.” Kylo looked up, right into Snoke’s eyes, realization dawning. He was in awe, and now even more terrified of his master deep down than he ever was.

“It only took a nudge.” Snoke said. “Now you have an apprentice of your own. Forget about the girl, it will be your task no longer.” Snoke turned away and left the two of them. 

Kylo’s punishment was now clear – his training was to be the lack of training by Snoke. Hux as his apprentice. Knowing him, Hux would deny his teachings just out of spite. The General’s stubborn character was something he would gladly avoid. 

Kylo was about to snap at Hux to get up – even if he knew something like that was far beyond anything he could do right now. He remembered himself when he first accessed the Force, how overwhelming it was, how disorienting. 

How was Hux even processing this? Getting a sense of the Force now – unprepared, a mind that was far too rational to allow for the Force to guide it.

 

~~

 

As soon as Kylo took a step closer to Hux, he stopped – shocked. Hux’s eyes were yellow. Sith yellow. 

“Ren?” Hux’s voice sounded shredded and horrible, and the feel of him in the Force was still wrong. That, along with his yellow eyes made Kylo wish that Snoke had killed Hux, and not mangled him so. For that’s how it felt like in the Force. A violation of things. Everything was wrong and he really wanted to be as far as possible from both Hux and this situation.

“Ren.”

“What.” All Kylo could think about was leaving, but that wasn’t in the plans, or orders. He was supposed to stay here and teach Hux. It all seemed like a very bad dream, that he was still stuck in a bacta tank, ant not awake to this new reality.

Kylo tried ignoring Hux, focusing his senses on where Snoke had gone. He was stopped abruptly – Snoke slammed into his defenses, but not before Kylo had sensed his Knights near his master. Not only he was denied training, he was also being robbed of his Knights. Likely they were being sent on his mission – the one he failed. Bring the girl to Snoke. _Rey._

Kylo knew Hux would laugh himself silly, if he knew Kylo was being unjustly snubbed – his mission and wishes denied. Except Hux couldn’t laugh right now about anything. He was still lying on the floor, slightly twitching.

“Ren!” 

He finally looked down – Hux looked like he was about to figure his new Sith powers on his own and was planning to incinerate Kylo’s face and any limbs he could get access to. Kylo took a deep breath and bent down to help Hux get of the floor. 

“I need- need to get back to the First Order.” It still sounded like his throat was bleeding. One of Hux’s hands, squished between the both of them gave intermittent twitches. It didn’t seem like Hux was even aware of that. The yellow eyes were slightly unfocused as well. 

“The only place you will be going will be medical.” Kylo pulled Hux along with him, trying not to jostle him too much. He needed a full body scan and probably some time spent unconscious. 

Hux’s try to scoff at that ended with him coughing, which definitely wasn’t good for his throat. “Ren-”

“No. You need medical.” Only a short amount of time had passed when he himself was in desperate need of medical. Now it was Hux’s turn. Kylo wasn’t inclined to show his gratitude, and he definitely wasn’t going to thank Hux for saving his life. But getting him to medical and dumping him on the medi-droid sounded like a thing he could do. He could conveniently forget about any possible life debts.

“Fine.” Hux grumbled. “I feel wretched.” A question screeched out in the Force, even with Kylo blocking himself from Hux – _What did he do to me?_

Did Hux not realize? Kylo had hoped to skip the explaining part and just get on with his training in the dark side. “Supreme Leader, he-. He pushed you towards the dark.”

“What does that even mean?” Hux sounded exasperated, like he could never get enough explanation about the universe from anyone. He was probably right to feel like that, but Kylo wasn’t patient enough to deal with him now, when he was thrust upon him. 

“It means that now you are my apprentice.”

“Apprentice?” A hiccough-like laugh along with some more coughing from Hux. “Ren, I don’t know if you’ve never noticed, but I can’t use your space magic. Wasn’t it you who once likened me to a rock to describe my Force-sensitivity?” They had finally reached medical, and Kylo dumped Hux into the same cot he woke up in. The medi-droid whirred into action and approached the bed, starting a diagnostic on his new patient. 

“Yes, well. Things have changed.” It wouldn’t do for Hux to try tapping into the dark on his own, especially if Snoke pushed him far enough in there that he gained the Sith yellow eyes. 

“What. Does. That. Mean.” Hux was losing patience. At least the medi-droid was done with preliminary scans – biologically it showed massive amounts of nerve damage. Since the droid couldn’t observe Hux in the Force – he did not see how much he was bleeding the dark into his surroundings. Kylo was envious of the medi-droid for that. He did not want to feel the wrongness of it all any longer.

“It means that Snoke altered you, he pushed you enough in the dark side of the Force and woke up the latent Force-sensitivity everyone possesses.” Kylo sighed, watching the droid retreating and returning with sedative. Finally. 

“So what – now I can push things with my mind? Throw tantrums, get into people’s heads? Bend you to my will?” 

Kylo decided not to answer that – Hux knew so little of the Force and before he could get on with the actual training, they needed some time time to deal with everything. He had to plan how to tackle a Force-sensitive Hux when it will actually hit him what Snoke had done to him.

The droid attached a sensor to Hux thus distracting him and jammed the sedative in his arm. 

“Ren!” Hux vent livid. It seemed that he didn’t even notice the droid hovering before, all his attention focused on Kylo and trying to get answers on what had just happened to him. 

Just before Hux succumbed to the sedative Kylo felt the Force shift around him – a horrid wail in his mind and all around. Every thing in medical that was not bolted down flew against the walls, startling all of them – but most of all Hux, who up until that moment hadn’t realized that Kylo was actually telling the truth and now he could access and use the Force. 

Complete despair took over Hux’s features, him looking at Kylo, pleading for it to not be true. _It couldn’t be true._

Hux’s eyelids fluttered closed and he lost all tenseness in his body, just leaving the occasional twitch in his hand and feet. A piece of flimsi fell to the floor as soon as Hux was out. Marking that as the point when all things known were about to change. 

 

~~

 

Kylo took to stalking around the Citadel. The Knights were no longer in the rooms usually assigned to them, and Snoke was rebuking him every time he tried to reach out. 

The light side again taunted him, trying to convince Kylo that everything Han Solo said on that bridge was true. That he was _welcomed home_ and could return. But he knew – knew that nothing of that sort was ever possible. Especially not after what he did at Luke’s school of the little Jedi he trained. Not after Starkiller, or even Han Solo himself. 

If he offered – and even if Resistance would welcome his intelligence (of which, actionable there actually was none, as Kylo wasn’t that much interested in day-to-day operations of the First Order, they would need Hux for that, and he doubted Hux would ever willingly share that information with them), _she_ would never take him back.

He was too changed, too rooted in the dark side. There was no forgiveness, and Kylo was seeking none. Especially not of the righteous light. 

Also Hux would never consider straying from his precious First Order. Even with his new Sith powers. Hux was far more likely to suppress them by any means possible. If it would take willpower only, Hux would be a good, proficient Force user. But all that order and willpower would let him access only the light side. 

And currently all those emanations in the Force coming from Hux was anything but light. The Resistance would never forgive Starkiller, especially _her_. 

The light taunted Kylo, trying to convince him that everything Han Solo said on that bridge was true. That he was welcomed home and could return. But Kylo knew, that nothing of that sort was ever possible.

So even thinking about returning was moot. He was staying here.

Kylo walked back to the Knights rooms. All of his own personal belongings were either on the Finalizer or Starkiller. And his helmet was destroyed on the latter. Only one question remained – where his lightsaber is right now. Kylo hoped it was left on Starkiller, to perish with the planet and Han Solo, but instantly regretted that thought. His lightsaber was important, even sacred to him.

While the Knights were absent two droids were tidying up, with nothing out of place left in the rooms.

His next stop was the hangar bay. It housed several shuttles, one of which was his own, apparently it the one Hux used to get him off the planet. Getting the landing to open, it was clear that no one had been here to clean up – there was a blood trail right up to the cot, where his tattered cowl was still – crusted with blood. There were bloody smears on the wall, several of them looking like hand prints.

And among the debris on the cot, there was also his lightsaber – so evidently Hux did pick it up. Kylo really did not want to add another thing to feel indebted to Hux. Better to just not mention it at all. Hux will be too preoccupied with turning into a Sith, so it was doubtful that he would have time for anything else.

Barking at a droid in the hangar bay to clean up and restock his shuttle, Kylo returned to the Knights rooms and fell into a bed. He didn’t care if he had taken up someone’s place. Exhaustion was still clinging to him, and sleep wasn’t far.

 

~~

 

Except Kylo didn’t get to enjoy the sleeping. It felt like he had just shut his eyes when he was woken by a worried looking droid.

Apparently Hux was awake and trashing the medical bay. Oh how roles were reversed now – Kylo decided that he would definitely tease Hux about his lack of control. By the time he got to medical, its doors were off their hinges and an unholy screech was heard from within. The Force around him shuddered once again, the feeling of wrongness even stronger than before.

Walking faster Kylo entered the disaster zone. Hux was awake, huddled up against the far wall with hands covering his ears, again abusing his throat by yelling. Items were spinning through the air, three of the overhead lights had exploded and the others were flickering. One of the medi-droids was strewn across the floor, towards the door, in pieces.

 _Shit_.

“Hux!” he yelled, but didn’t attract any attention from Hux. As if he wasn’t even there. Using the Force Kylo slammed down everything that was floating – finally getting the attention of the uncontrolled Force that twined around Hux. The man himself was still trying to make himself smaller and disappear into the wall.

Getting closer was both dangerous and necessary. Pushing out with the Force, Kylo took several steps across the floor to get closer to Hux. Something did get through to him, as Hux lifted his head the instant Kylo got close enough. He soon was looking up at Kylo. The yellow eyes kept switching from one corner of the room to the other, and every few seconds returning back to tracking Kylo’s movements.

“Ren- I- You need to stop me.” Hux’s hands now were gripping his own shoulders, the man shivering. The nerve twitches were gone from his feet and hands – it seemed the medi-droid had fixed them sometime while Hux was sleeping. Perhaps that’s what woke him up. The Force disliking any medical meddling – or meddling of any kind of Hux. The Force was possessive of its users.

“Ren! I can’t-” Hux curved into a ball bringing head to his knees, sliding down the wall a bit. The feeling in the Force all around him was once – despair.

The other medi-droid was somewhere behind him, but Kylo doubted that its presence would help much right now. There was no way Hux was going to let the droid anywhere near him. That just left Kylo.

“REN!”

He reached Hux and got down to his knees, hands extended, hoping the Force around Hux will recognize him as another Force user. As someone trying to help, not hinder. With his own Force push, Kylo tried sending calm and peace towards Hux. After trying for a while Kylo tried to access Hux’s mind, but couldn’t. It seemed that since Snoke meddled with Hux’s mind he could not get in at all.

Hux kept projecting despair and fear, but with every second of Kylo getting closer and closer the despair slowly turned more muted. At least something of Kylo’s sent calm was reaching him. Even if feeling such an emotion made him pull up painful memories of the light side, things he really didn’t want to think about any longer. Buried for a reason. 

“Hux. Breathe.” 

“Stop me _stopmestopmestopme_.” Hux kept repeating, now pulling his palms into fists and smashing them at his own head. Kylo immediately got closer and grabbed Hux’s hands effectively stopping him. They were looking into each others eyes now, yellow and brown. Hux was still mouthing the words and nothing had stopped the feeling of despair all around them.

Kylo let go of Hux’s hands in favor of taking hold of his face in between his hands. Cupping Hux’s cheekbones and pushing him back towards the wall. Grounding him, both physically and at the same time still sending calm towards him with the Force. Hux shivered still. Every time Kylo pushed the Force a great shudder overtook Hux. One of his hands once again took up the nervous twitch. 

Whatever the droid did to lessen the nerve damage to Hux, it did not manage to get all of it. Or more likely – Hux shook the treatment off before it was finished. Kylo realized that Hux got himself re-injured all over again. Not on purpose, but it still happened.

“Calm down. _Hux_.” Kylo kept holding his gaze, not wavering, still looking into Hux’s eyes. The yellow unnerved him a lot. He expected to see green or blue. Hux and the hue of Sith yellow was a combination he really wanted to erase from this galaxy. To unmake it. 

Physical touch was helping Hux. The despair went nowhere, but the fear lessened – in increments, slowly but it still lessened. It was letting Kylo breathe more easier. Hux in fear was a combination that was hard to picture.

Hux was starting to breathe easier. Kylo thanked the Force that he hadn’t been hyperventilating before, just not talking deep enough breaths.

Soon even Hux stopped repeating and went limp against the wall, head falling as far as Kylo’s hands would allow it forward. Kylo tried not to think of exactly how much trust this required from Hux. 

“Ren. What is happening to me?” Now the question sounded a lot more defeated. Not full of anger as before. 

“Snoke gave you the Force. You don’t know how to control it.” 

“I don’t WANT to control it. I want to get rid of it!” Hux squirmed – as if wanting to get up to his feet. When that didn’t work he tried pushing Kylo off of him, but Kylo held steady and did not let him move. Letting go of Hux at the moment sounded far too foolish. He finally had calmed him down, he wasn’t about to let him work up to another frenzy. 

“I’m-.” Kylo was sure Snoke knew _how_ to do it. He was at the same time instinctively also sure that Snoke will _not_ do it. Kylo wanted to have an option where he doesn’t have to say these words to Hux. Avoiding complicated topics at the moment was something he really wanted to be able to do. He doubted Hux would give him this option.

“There’s nothing to be done about it.” In all truth it’s a lie. And Hux’s innate Force usage, even uncontrolled – picked up on it. Hus snarled, turning his face into an ugly grimace again renewing his tries to break free from where Kylo had him pinned against the wall.

“No, I do not believe that.” Hux repeated, his struggles stilling for a moment. “There’s always something to be done. What can be done, can be undone. Only. He _won’t_ , wont he?” Hux lifted his head, looking Kylo straight in the eyes. 

Despair was still swirling in the air. 

Hux knew well enough that Supreme Leader Snoke will not do anything to reverse what was done to him. 

“No, he won’t.” Kylo could only knowing there was no use to even mention undoing of any kind to Snoke. 

Hux turned quiet and contemplative, completely forgetting he was squatting on the floor, with Kylo pressed up against him, holding him. Physical nearness had calmed him down and Kylo wasn’t about to deal with an uncontrolled Hux again so soon. So he stayed exactly where he was – in front of Hux on his knees.

They spent several minutes like that. 

 

~~

 

Kylo still couldn’t access Hux’s mind, and now that he was focused inward – Kylo could not even pick up anything Hux might project. So Kylo refocused and thought a bit on the topic of apprentices. He knew Snoke most likely sent the Knights after Rey, perhaps on a mission to take down Luke Skywalker at the same time. He was fairly sure that if Luke was with Rey then the Knights would fail their mission. 

And now he had no way to become Rey’s master. To teach her the dark side of the Force. If the Knights would be successful, Snoke would never permit him that. 

So that left Hux. 

Which, as Kylo realized, was a mayor problem. Because he knew already that Hux will never agree to let him teach him anything useful. Probably the only thing he might agree to learn – and that was only out of necessity instead of wanting to. Control and suppression. 

A Sith should not need to suppress anything. Passion was everything. But Kylo knew Hux rather well in their time as co-commanders and the General was anything but passionate. Sure, there might be hidden depths. But then they must be exceptionally well hidden. Hux’s usual demeanor was cold and aloof, detached from anything, too focused on work and nothing else. Efficiency at every cost.

But no longer. All that control could do nothing to suppress Hux’s access to the Force no matter what he does.

Kylo shifted one of his thumbs resting still on Hux’s cheekbone up and down. Hux was still drawn inwards, thinking about something and didn’t notice anything on the outside of his mind. Ignoring any goings on in reality where Kylo was pushed up against him. Kylo’s continued touches made him do a full body shiver. One of Hux’s hands was clutching at Kylo’s tunic, the other resting near it, still intermittently twitching. 

Kylo hoped the medi-droid will be able to do something about it. Permanent nerve damage was not something a perfectionist like Hux would ever accept. It would keep reminding him about this, this moment, this loss of control. Forever.

It took time before Hux refocused on the here and now. He focused and looked up at Kylo, finally noticing their position on the floor and the motion of Kylo’s hand.

“What are you doing?” Hux tried to shift his face away from Kylo’s hand, but unsuccessfully, making the other hand was move even closer.

Kylo evaluated again his calmness and with a parting touch let go of Hux’s face. Shifting backwards, he grabbed Hux’s elbows and pulled him back to his feet, still holding onto him. Which was the smart thing to do since Hux’s legs weren’t holding him upright and almost set him back on the floor. 

Kylo acutely missed all the times in their co-commandership when he could leave Hux to fend for himself. It was startling how little time had passed since a moment just like that – the last time General Hux had overexerted himself. It was also startling how much of his thought processes lately were currently overtaken by Hux.

“How about we get you back to the bed, hmm?”

Hux snorted at the comment, then leaned on Kylo, trying to help push them away from the wall. They got back to the bed – stepping over all the scattered debris that was still littering the floor. Kylo grabbed the couple of pieces that had fallen on the cot and threw them onto the nearby table for the medi-droid to deal with later. 

“Stay here.” Kylo warned Hux but knew that he wouldn’t be obeyed for long. It was a plea that applied to here and now, but was also meant in a more general sense. Kylo could already see ahead and predict that Hux was already mentally gunning back to the First Order and leaving all of this, here, behind him. Unfortunately there was no way Kylo was about to let that to happen. An untrained darksider that cannot control themselves shouldn’t get back to their post on the Finalizer even if they really really want to.

Kylo tried not to to imagine the tantrum Hux would throw when he realized this. 

All he could hope for, was to be at a distance from Hux when that realization hits. He doubted any nearby walls could take the punishment Hux would mete out. It would not end well. 

Hux fell against the pillow, slumping. It looked like he was sapped of strength and was skipping decorum and appearances. Or even more – it seemed to Kylo that Hux had given up on maintaining his strict General persona. He wasn’t hiding any of his weaknesses right now. They were all on the surface for Kylo to see. Maybe it was the post-tantrum exhaustion. And later, after having slept, Hux would be back to being his own prickly aloof workaholic sefl next time he wakes.

Kylo had only one question on his mind – what he should do next.

 

~~

 

“Ren, please tell me this will end.” 

Now this wouldn’t do, not at all. “You really are pathetic aren’t you?” Kylo came towards the bed, where Hux was staring at the ceiling. Some bickering might push Hux out of this funk.

“I get that you hate this. I really do-”

“I sincerely doubt that.” Hux muttered, interrupting Kylo. 

“Oh, I _do_ , don’t worry. I feel you in the Force, remember?” The feel of it was still the same despair and wrongness, now with equal heaps of self pity. At least the fear was gone, so that was one less horrible thing to consider. But not an optimal outcome. 

Kylo wanted Hux to never fear Snoke ever again. If the Supreme Leader could do this to him – mangle him so – then there was no telling as to what more he could do. Or undo. If he had had respectful fear of Snoke before Starkiller’s demise in their war dealings, then now that respect was all gone up in dust and tatters.. 

“You survived Hux. You survived and he no longer cares about you to bother with doing more.” Kylo said this with certainty. It puzzled him for a moment as to where that conviction come from, but a glance at the Force still swirling all around him, made him realize – and how strange that hadn’t didn’t notice this sooner.

The feeling of lack, of _absence_. Kylo thought it was to do with him killing his f- _Han Solo_ , but it was something else – Snoke was no longer rooted in his mind. 

It seemed his master really and truly had given up on him. It was a minor miracle to Kylo that was still allowed on the planet. But he figured that he must still be considered as one of the Knights. Perhaps still attached to the First Order – and if Snoke continued to keep up the dealings with them, then he also still employed Kylo Ren. 

But no longer as an apprentice. Just as muscle. As disposable even.

He no doubt was master of Knights of Ren no longer.

It was terrifying, being this free. One step sideways and he could be gone.

He could-

No. 

His place was here, where he was needed and wanted (a traitorous voice, sounding so much like Hux whispered that he _wasn’t wanted here, not really_ ). Here, where his decisions and choices had lead him.

He chose to stay.

But he could leave. Hux was wallowing in self pity, but couldn’t be left alone.

But he could leave. Find a willing apprentice, find Rey. 

But he could leave.

 

~~

 

Hux was dozing in the bed, not noticing anything around him, and not picking up on Kylo’s traitorous thoughts of deserting this place of warfare.

Deserting the First Order.

Now there was a thought. Even attached to it, Kylo never really felt a part of it. His missions always concerned other matters, those of the Jedi, of Luke Skywalker and possible awakenings.

Now that one such awakening happened, and he knew who it was. 

It gave him new choices and new possibilities.

Snoke would surely hunt him down and exterminate. Or maybe just take away his own Force ability. Now that was a terrifying thought. If he could induce the latent Force-sensitivity in Hux, could he suppress someone else’s? Kylo already knew the answer to that – and it was a definite _yes_.

Most of Kylo’s younger years were a blur. His childhood along the New Republic until that day of the Senate and the reveal of his grand-parentage. His lost years and taking up with the Knights and Snoke. The training, his inability to contact anyone outside the Unknown Regions, staying in company of only the Knights and his master. 

It was time for new choices. 

_Leave._

So he will. 

 

~~

 

Kylo left Hux to his own devices for a while, no longer caring if he will trash the medical or not. Before leaving, Kylo tasked a droid to put together a field medical kit. There should be one already in his newly refurbished shuttle, but this one should be made with specifically Hux in mind. 

Kylo took one last circuit through the citadel, not encountering Snoke even now. As if he hadn’t yet realized Kylo’s plan of leaving. Of deserting. 

As if daring him to go. _To try to survive on your own._

As if Snoke was just waiting for him to fail, to return cowed and humiliated. Pleading once again for guidance, as he did all those years ago. 

Kylo wanted to shout – _see me leave, will you even try to stop me! Stop me! Stop me before I go! Plea- please master, teach me. I want to stay._

But no answer was forthcoming, nothing sounded in his mind, no allowances. 

He was effectively exiled. With an apprentice of his own.

Hux was deeply asleep now. Kylo detached the cot from the wall before turning the maglev controls on, and just steered it and the sleeping Hux on it towards the shuttle. The droid beeped his wish to help, but Kylo sent him back. 

He would manage. He had to. 

Both he, and Hux somewhere deep down, knew that General Hux wasn’t returning to Finalizer’s command.


	2. the leaving of places

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Until he figured out what to do with Hux, let him stay there and sleep. One should let sleeping darksiders lie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> previously posted as 'Starforce'. 
> 
> there's been some rewrites and editing, so def reread both chapters. the final chapter is already written, just gotta edit it first. should be done soon.
> 
> this is now a series! don't forget to subscribe - then you won't miss part two - the outline is done and nanowrimo is going rather well, so i might even manage it this november

Nothing stopped them from leaving the atmosphere of the planet. Kylo had attached the cot to the wall of the shuttle’s cargo bay, where usually storm troopers were awaiting their deployment. 

Until he figured out what to do with Hux, let him stay there and sleep. One should let sleeping darksiders lie.

Dropping out of hyperspace, a far enough distance from Snoke’s planet in the Unknown Regions, Kylo idled the shuttle. Stretching, he walked through the interior trying to come up with a solid plan. Not much time had gone since they left the Citadel so Hux was still out cold.

He had to meditate.

Find Rey.

He had an apprentice that was unwilling and unwanting of his tutelage, so Kylo committed himself to go out there and find himself a better one. And Rey would do nicely.

He tried actively to skip over the fact that she would both resent him and hate him, and most likely having a lovely time with the Resistance or maybe even Luke right now. No, that wasn’t necessary to think about. 

But find her he needed to. 

Skipping through the refresher and grabbing a ration bar, Kylo reached the cargo bay and sat down on the bench that ran along one side of the shuttle. Hux was at the other wall, the monitor attached to him was showing only sleep patterns. 

Kylo settled down in meditation. True meditation was something he was not practiced at enough. He has to recall Luke’s teaching from far back. It was something he failed at even then. But perhaps if he uses the same techniques in the dark side he will succeed. Kylo was certain. 

He had been in Rey’s mind – the same way as she was in his (he better forget about that until the moment they meet). If she knew where Luke was – and she had seen the map – then it stood to reason that he too knew where to find Skywalker.

He recalled her taunting him, telling him-

_You’re afraid. That you will never be as strong as Darth Vader._

No- his only true relic of his grandfather was still on the Finalizer, and it was a place he most likely wasn’t about to return to. And if he did, he was fairly certain there would be shoot-to-kill orders issued for the both of them shortly.

He was getting off topic.

Rey had seen fear in his mind, but just a moment, a single moment before that, she realized the existence of her power while noticing-

 _Noticing the island_. A planet of blue water, with islands scattered all around, something drawing her there. A power. 

She found him.

Kylo gasped back in awareness, with this new realization. And a vague sense of direction, as to where the planet in question was. He was going to go there.

“Where are we going?” 

“To find my apprentice.”

“I thought I was your apprentice.”

“What?” Kylo finally noticed his surroundings, seeing the yellow eyes from the other side of the shuttle looking at him. 

“I said- you know what. Never mind.” Hux huffed, looking a lot more alert and cognizant than the last two times Kylo came upon him after Starkiller. 

“I-.” Kylo wanted to explain, that Hux was refusing to be his apprentice, that he had to find someone else because Hux was unwilling. But.

But – he hadn’t really heard Hux deny him. He never said he rejected him, did he? So if Hux wasn’t unwilling- then it was him, Kylo who was _unwanting_ of the apprentice Snoke gave him. 

He wanted the exact toy that was taken away from him. Not the other one his master gave him as a gift, as an opportunity. 

 

~~

 

Hux was shifting around on the cot, seemingly looking for something, but Kylo could not momentarily figure out what.

“Do you have any spare clothes?” 

Kylo was meanwhile still stuck in a loop of his own incorrect conclusions, and when he didn’t respond Hux had to roll his eyes at him. While wrapping the blanket around himself, Hux flinched when his bare feet touched the cold shuttle floor, the absence of his boots jarring. 

By the time Kylo came back to awareness and looked around trying to find Hux, the man in question had already located the field medical pack the medi-droid had assembled – luckily the droid had also added Hux’s clothes – the same uniform he was wearing upon arrival on Snoke’s planet, now freshly laundered.

Hux was right then pulling off the medical garb and dropping it on the cot’s edge when Kylo looked up, giving him a good view of Hux’s back. But it wasn’t his ass that Kylo noticed (to be fair he noticed it as well, and tucked the picture away, for some later reminiscing – it was shapely and just the right size for a squeeze), no, what he did notice was the scars on Hux’s shoulder, several vertical lines, one of which was longer then the rest, then abruptly severed further down, with a jagged edge.

As if someone had _pulled away from whoever was doing the carving too fast, turning left and lashing out at them, their heavier bulk intimidating, trying to suppress the fear, the loathing. Trying to figure where he is, what is happening. He had went to sleep in his bunk, where was he, what was happening. The blood flowing down, first drops on the floor. Why was this happening. Don’t- Stop! Stop it, let me go. Make it stop, makeitstopmakeitstop-_

“Stop!” A sudden shift in the Force showed Kylo back – Hux was still half naked, now panting, wild eyes looking at Kylo mad. “Stop.” Hux inhaled, trying to make himself calm down, to try to breathe normally. “Stop.” It was a plea and the wish to not talk about it was heavily implied. Everything in his being was telling Kylo to back off, to go away and bother someone else. _Right now._

Hux stood, not moving aside from the still harsh breathing, staring at him – glaring – unworried about his state of nakedness – which hit Kylo a lot harder than any other time he had caught glimpses of him (later upon rethinking this day he realized that he had finally truly noticed Hux).

Kylo, upon deciding enough was enough, took the hint and left the cargo bay. With a shuttle this size there wasn’t that much space and locations in which to avoid someone, but at least he could retreat to the pilot’s cabin and sit in the command chair. He went there, sitting down – curling up like a chastised kid who had just been thrown out of a room were adults are arguing. 

It was a feeling that had filled the days of his childhood, and now Hux unintentionally reminding him of it was even worse. One half of the remembered arguing duo was dead by his own hand, and the other blaming him, loathing him because of the same. It was intolerable.

“Went off to sulk?” Hux’s voice rand from right behind him, startling Kylo – he didn’t even notice or hear Hux approach.

“I thought you wanted me to leave you alone.”

“Yes, well.” Hux sighed, taking a step forward and sitting down in the co-pilot seat. “How much longer until the Finalizer?” He glanced forward into to the void of space through the viewport in front of the ship, squinting as if to find the tiny speck making up the Finalizer ahead. 

“We’re not going to the Finalizer.” Kylo mumbled, he hoped it was too low for Hux to hear, but the man sitting next to him definitely heard him. And was instantly pissed off. 

“What? Where are we then?” Hux’s palms curled up into fists, and Kylo got a feeling he wanted to strike him but held of.

Might as well give Hux a reason to smack him.

“We’re not going back to the Finalizer. Ever.”

“Think over your next words very carefully.” Hux went cold, not just in his voice, but also in the Force surrounding the both of them.

“Snoke didn’t try to stop me from leaving the planet.”

“What kind of excuse is that? So you what- just _left_?” Hux finally turned his gaze away from the viewport and turned fully – the entirety of his yellow eyed attention to Kylo. It was like being like a spec of dust being stepped on. Why did Kylo keep forgetting about his eyes, and their wrongness and what Hux could do with the uncontrolled in his power to everything around them? 

“Why the fuck did you take me with you for?” The coldness turned exasperated. Hux was looking at him almost unblinking. 

Kylo tried not to be unnerved, but failed. 

“Because if you returned to the Finalizer, you wouldn’t get to command it.” _Because Snoke gave you to me, as an apprentice and I have no idea what to do with you._

With the way Hux’s whole body shifted backwards and his eyes bulged, the thought was loud enough for Hux to pick up innately.

Kylo really should do something about that. 

But he wanted to find Rey and teach her. 

For a while Silence ruled. Hux kept looking at him, examining his words, or perhaps the entire situation. Trying to come up with a solution. Kylo felt flayed alive when Hux again looked at him – his gaze moving up and down, as if picking the best place to stab him. Maybe with his new Force abilities, even uncontrolled, looking for the best place to twist to injure or maim. Or just outright kill.

“You needn't do anything with me. I need to deal with the shit storm Starkiller’s destruction caused to my Order.” Hux looked back at the viewport, then leaned forwards to access the shuttle’s control panel on the co-pilot’s side. 

“And I’m telling you that’s not going to happen!” Kylo exclaimed, using the Force to grab at Hux’s left hand. Upon contact it twitched again, Kylo feeling it viscerally that the nerve damage had indeed retreated from Hux’s body and that the twitches now were more psychosomatic.

Yet again Kylo had forgoten about the yellow eyes. When Kylo Force-grabbed Hux’s hand, his gaze returned back to him. Hux, squinting his eyes partway shut, focusing, grabbed hold of the Force and showed it back. The left hand now trembled even more but a second later Hux was up on his feet and towering above Kylo. 

“Get me to the Finalizer.” The words were filled with a Force-suggestion and Kylo took a sharp breath to clear his head. The Force was still pouring out of Hux, now taking Kylo’s breath away, making something clatter on the floor in the hallway behind them. The durasteel walls of the shuttle gave out a whining noise. 

“Hux.” Kylo held up his hands, trying to show his surrender. If Hux continued the Force assault, he could tear the shuttle apart and knock himself unconscious by doing it. In the same time not even noticing himself suffocating and freezing to death in the open space. 

“Hux, I-” He needed a plan and very very fast. “How about we get to the nearest planet-”

“No.” If Hux could have, he would have taken another step forward, stepping on Kylo, pushing him towards the ground without mercy. “Get. me. to. the. Finalizer.” Hux hissed, leaning over Kylo’s personal space, yellow eyes not blinking or moving away from its target – Kylo himself.

“Lets contact them first. And then- then get you there.” Kylo knew he was a bad liar. So he focused on believing the first sentence and letting the second float away.

“NO.” Hux was enraged. The shuttle started to vibrate beneath his feet and all around them. The viewport, even with reinforced transparisteel, could not take the pressure of the Force too long. It would be the first thing to go.

Kylo sent out the Force and pulled it back, around Hux, pushing him down. Trying to completely surround him, to pull the destruction away from the shuttle. Both streams of the Force met, creating together an even worse interference, amplifying it. The horizon tracker suddenly flipped and if it weren’t for the artificial gravity they would have tumbled toward the ceiling and then round and round through the interior of the shuttle. At least they were in the middle of dead space, not near anything they could hit. But float long enough – and something will get in their path.

“You can’t control it! You’re going to crash the shuttle! Hux, stop!” Kylo yelled.

Just using the Force wasn’t working. Doubling what he could of the Force strenght, Kylo made Hux wobble on his feet for a bit, and for a bit canceling out the interference. But not enough to stop it.

“I will not be stopped by the likes of you!” Hux trembled but was still standing, the Force a swirling aura of absolute evil around him.

Kylo surged up and grabbed at Hux with both of his hands, pulling him towards himself, into the pilot’s seat. It startled Hux enough to scatter his Force focus and fall more heavily onto Kylo.

“Hux. I need you to calm down.” The struggle returned, but the Force part of it was absent – as soon as Kylo had lifted his hands to grab at Hux’s shoulders the swirling Force died down. Kylo lifted up one of his hands up to cradle his neck. Hux shivered at the touch, still trying to pull back from Kylo, his embrace and the pilot’s chair.

“I need to get back. There’s work to be done.” Hux still insisted. Kylo sighed and rubbed his palm up and down Hux’s neck. The shivers lessened with time. With this closeness Kylo finally, _finally_ caught glimpses of his mind. Some was projected, but some was actually gleaned from within Hux’s mind. There was grief and anger, all directed towards Starkiller and himself and everyone who was working on it. The loss of life, staggering. 

It was one thing to give the order to obliterate the Hosnian system – and something completely different when _the cowards came and destroyed his entire life’s work without regard for human life. The Resistance was no better than any warmongering people in this galaxy. Yet people revered them, put them up, call them heroes. They are nothing better then liars and self righteous pricks, doing the same bad things to get things done and getting lauded._

In a way now they were in balance – even. Alderaan and Death Stars. Now Hosnian Prime and Starkiller. Every life they took, the other side retaliated in kind. 

“Let’s get to a planet, contact the First Order. See how thing’s stand. And then decide. Another day won’t change matters.”

Hux gripped Kylo’s clothes in his hands, not trying to stop his struggle to get loose. Once again not entirely noticing what he was doing. Hux leaned in, resting against Kylo’s chest, with his forehead on Kylo’s shoulder. He didn’t exactly go limp and boneless but at least relaxed for a moment. 

Kylo kept rubbing his neck, now sending to Hux calm in the Force as well. Hux, before this tantrum, had slept long enough that the calming didn’t turn him sleepy, just languid. Making him forget the need to care about who he was straddling and the position he was in across Kylo’s lap.

“Fine. One day delay.”

Rubbing downwards, Kylo grazed the top of the scars on Hux’s shoulder, once again getting curious, but recalling the memory Hux projected Kylo tamped down any wishes to ask about it. 

“It was a rival cadet. I had beat his scores. He- he wanted to get me out of the competition.” Hux was quietly relaying the story into Kylo’s shoulder – once again having picked up on Kylo’s thoughts. “He had a mean streak. I think- I think he put something in my drink during evening meal. I remember him lingering at my table, while I was eating. I was talking to someone else, and wanted to tell him off, but he left on his own.”

Now Hux went boneless against his chest, letting go of Kylo’s clothes, thus prompting him to gather Hux closer and with one hand supporting his back. The other hand was now tracing the scars, all he could reach – just a bit under the uniform jacket Hux was wearing unbuttoned over an undershirt. 

“I woke up to pain, feeling him cut me, but was still too out of it. I had had substance tolerance training, but this was something- something else, probably a paralytic was added.” Hux shifted his head, trying to push at Kylo, to hide himself deeper in him. “By the time I could move enough, he had cut the five lines, working on the sixth – I was his sixth you see, but when I could move I pulled away. Turned, surprised him. He wasn’t expecting me to wake. Or to overpower him. I used the same knife.”

A pause. 

“It took just the one slice.”

Kylo felt a memory of _blood spattering from a neck, surprised betrayed eyes, as if the attacker could never imagine one of his victims actually fighting back._

Kylo’s hand dipped lower, grazing the jagged scar. “Hux- I’m sorry.”

Hux shrugged, “Its old news.”

“Not that old, never old. Not if it makes you react like that.” He squeezed Hux’s sides in his hands, building up the hug. _Fighting for survival wasn’t what childhood should be about._

“There’s nothing you can do about it now.” Hux whispered in answer to Kylo’s thoughts. Then sighed just before his stomach rumbled. 

“Hmm.” Hux hummed before getting off of Kylo’s lap. As if not finding anything weird with the situation at all. As if they weren’t rival co-commanders but a week ago, sniping at each other, one-upping the other.

Kylo missed the warmth and closeness the second it was gone.

“I’ll go eat. Get us to that promised planet, will you?” Hux said in parting before disappearing down the hallway. 

Across from the refresher there was a supply closet with food and tools and other things. Kylo could hear him rummaging in there as he let his focus settle on the control panel in front of him, getting a star map, and inputting the route into the navigation. 

Soon enough the stars stretched out and they got into hyperspace. Kylo fell into light meditation, confirming that they still were still moving forwards where the Force was guiding him. Was it towards where Rey he wasn’t completely sure, but it wouldn’t do to doubt the Force. He couldn’t reach her in it, but was sure that she was his goal and that he will meet her and soon. 

 

~~

 

The planet was just on the edge of Outer Rim, overpopulated enough that they could easily disappear among its inhabitants, and far enough from both the First Order and the Resistance that no one should have a wish to snitch on them. Anonymity was the key here. 

Kylo feared Hux might be overwhelmed with the presence of too many people – living and breathing in the Force. But instead Hux was putting all of his focus on his goal and not noticing anything around him. Kylo asked what exactly he wanted to do but didn’t get an answer, just a growl of impatience. 

Which was why he didn’t want to let Hux out of his sight. Thankfully Hux was completely ignoring Kylo and his trailing footsteps.

At a slightly dusty hall of records there was a public holonet access point. Kylo got them through the attendance desk where a talkative twi’lek girl wanted their ID’s. A slight Force-manipulation ensured that soon enough Hux was in front of a terminal, slicing into a First Order server remotely, to check up on things. 

Kylo was hoping he was using caution and not logging in with his own access codes. Glancing at the screen over Hux’s shoulders he thought he saw Mitaka’s name. 

“You know Mitaka’s password?” 

A vague shrug from Hux, until a few moments later he stilled his hands above the screen and loudly exhaled.

“What?” Kylo figured Hux had found that he was a wanted man now, and the First Order had issued a bounty for him. But instead it was a woman’s face looking back at him, blonde, regal looking, and fierce. “Phasma?”

Hux was scrolling the information down with a frown, getting steadily more angry in the Force. Kylo put his hand on Hux’s shoulder – physical proximity had calmed him before, so he was hoping for the same this time as well. It worked somewhat. But what Hux was reading was still upsetting him even more. 

“She- she was the one. Shit damn Ren, she was the one to lower the shields on Starkiller!” Kylo gestured with his free hand to put up a Force-barrier around them, to compel any listeners to forget that they were sitting here. Hux had gotten louder with every word, and a few other patrons of the Hall of Records had started to pay them undue attention. Mentioning Starkiller might just tip the curiosity over into suspicion.

And it was something he would rather avoid at the moment.

“She- she’s why my life is in _ruins_ now. She’s at fault! For everything.” The anger Hux felt was quickly overtaken once again by grief – for a system’s destroying weapon he put so much effort in. But that’s Hux.

“I will find her.” Hux voice sounded cold and cruel. Kylo didn’t want to be in Phasma’s place at the moment, not at all. “I will not leave it like this.” Hux clicked the wanted poster away, navigating across the page checking general status of things. 

They spent about thirty minutes there, Hux still fuming about Phasma the entire time. 

It all might end very badly. Or worse.

 

~~

 

The cantina was loud, but somewhat homey, if that feeling could be quantified. It wasn’t particularly seedy, but the clientele tended more toward rowdy at moments.

Hux went straight to the bar as soon as they were through the door. Kylo still was amazed and baffled as to where the strict uptight General Hux disappeared to and who was this scruffy emotional companion accompanying him now.

Kylo tried to ignore any thoughts he might have about clones and dimensional travelers (can you even imagine two Huxes in the same universe?). Kylo shuddered at the thought and tried to delete it from his brain. 

When he caught up to Hux at the bar, he had already emptied the first drink and was hailing the bartender for a second.

“One for me as well.” He didn’t particularly care what Hux was ordering, some downtime was in order.

“I’m not sure you’re gonna like that – its a bit of an acquired taste.” Hux no doubt was figuring Kylo for someone without an alcohol tolerance, but Kylo knew he might surprise him. His first taste was thanks to his father-

_he didn’t want to remember the reason for being here, stuck without a master, and with an apprentice that wasn’t eager to know everything about the Force. He wanted his power, his master and Rey as an apprentice. Not this fake Sith he was saddled with-_

Hux was looking at him. Angrily.

_Shit._

Kylo quickly put up his hands to stop was what already a mounting tension coming from Hux, bound to turn explosive.

And he didn’t even got his drink.

The bartender had just put both drinks on the counter, when Hux grabbed one and tossed it straight at Kylo’s head. He managed to Force-grab the first one, but not the second one. Or Hux who followed bodily after both drinks, with yellow eyes flaring in anger.

“Fake Sith? I’ll show you fake Sith! Rot in fucking hell Ren!” Hux was slighter, and Kylo could stop him, but he had added the Force to the shove and soon Kylo was on the ground with Hux on top, pounding at his head. Kylo got up his hands to try and stop Hux.

When falling, he had clipped the closest table and its patrons used this disturbance to settle their own grievances. Along with many many others whose drinks got spilled in the process. It all ended being a big chaos of a brawl.

It dawned on Kylo, the importance of getting out of here before the authorities arrived. If only Hux would. Stop. Beating. Him!

“Hux!” At one point the attack shifted into just Hux, the Force diminishing in the hits – letting Hux plow into him with his own strength, extremely pissed off. So Kylo kicked up his feet and with a twist turned them upside down. Now that Hux was on the floor, Kylo could finally pin him down.

“I’m sorry, alright! Shit, Hux, I didn’t mean it like that.”

But deep down he did.

“But you did! You still do! Don’t deny, I see your mind clear enough.”

“Hux-.”

“No. I don’t need your pity. You have an emotional range of a teaspoon, Ren. I don’t envy you that.” Hux groused, stilling on the floor, ignoring the brawl still going strong all around them.

“I know you don’t want me. You want that girl, whats-her-name, to teach her all the wondrous things about this precious Force of yours. And I- I know I can’t leave you. That _must_ amuse you. The great General Hux fallen so low! Brawling in a cantina, tossed on a dirty floor!”

“Hux, no-”

“ _Don’t interrupt me_!” Hux yelled, “So. I will go with you. Wherever that is. I know I can’t be on my own, not with this Force of yours.” Then just closing his eyes in defeat; deflating on the floor, silent. Kylo tried to come up with and apology, something. But before he could string a sentence together in his head, someone showed them in the side, upsetting their moment of peace. 

Kylo showed them back with the Force, snarling and scaring them with the scar bisecting his face in half. 

The brawler twitched back in fright, radiating fear into the Force. 

Kylo got both of them to feet and with Hux’s help navigated out of the cantina right on time – they were just going round the corner when the authorities arrived. 

"Shit. That was close." Kylo muttered – there wasn’t much the locals could do to the both of them, but any recordings of their faces might trigger an alert to the Resistance. And that just wouldn’t do.

“Hmpf.” Hux huffed, pulling away from Kylo, walking forward. Back to the ship, probably thinking of ways to track down Phasma. Kylo knew now that Hux will stick with him, even if out of desperation only. Which was just sad, and making him angry – that Hux wasn’t willing to learn about the Force, just how to suppress it, to tamp it down. 

The shuttle was just where they left it, not even docking fees or a glorified parking ticket on it, making Kylo proud of his skills in the Force to cloak the ship.

“I still want that drink.” Hux groused when they were back. Looking around, he rummaged the supply stacks, but there wasn’t anything there. So before Kylo could make a peep of any departure plans, Hux had turned about and walked down the ramp.

This time Kylo left him to his own devices. If Hux got into another bar brawl, it was on him. And if he accidentally unleashed his Force powers then they probably deserved it. He just hoped Hux wouldn’t bring half the space port down with his tantrum.

But he was worrying about nothing – no more than twenty minutes went by when Hux was back, lugging a significantly sized bottle with him. 

“Now we can leave. Go. Find your scavenger.” Hux pounded once on the hatch closing button and sat down on the cot he woke up on, signaling for Kylo to leave.

Kylo, being absolutely done with Hux and .. well, just _Hux_ , punched at the navigation and got the shuttle up in the atmosphere. The Force was still guiding him to a destination and he wanted to get there as soon as possible.

He resolutely ignored Hux getting drunker and drunker in the Force behind him, just hoping that drunk-Hux was mellow and not a menace. Going by the feeling he left in the Force, Hux was getting sleepy and was soon passed out on the cot, curled around the now empty bottle. 

Kylo hoped his morning hangover was vicious and bad enough to amuse him for a long time.

 

~~

 

Drifting in space, hurtling towards the target Force was telling him about, even if he didn’t have an exact location of coordinates, was calming. Good for meditation.

What wasn’t good for meditation was Hux being hungover and spreading that misery all over the shuttle. Kylo tried to create a Force-barrier to keep him away, but it wasn’t working much. Hux kept distressing all over the place and Kylo really _really_ wanted to airlock him at the moment. Except there was no way he could actually do that to him, no matter what his current feelings were saying about it.

Kylo thought about the ways to remedy the situation. The things he knew of healing powers. Most thought them a power strictly rooted in the dark side, but having succumbed to this part of the Force, Kylo could say with absolute certainty that it wasn’t so. It was a matter of balance, of _righting things that were torn out of alignment_ that allowed for it. Purely dark and purely light could try to heal, even succeed up to a point, but it could never reverse a significant amount of damage, never. But a balance of both – it could do things, impressive things. 

At some point Kylo realized that bringing back some light into him was inevitable, even if he strived to be pure dark, he could never ever achieve it. The Force itself wouldn’t let him, no matter what his own wishes had to say about it.

Which coincidentally was why he was vary of trying to heal anything of Hux’s at the moment. Even the hangover – not to mention what Snoke did to him in the first place – that wrongness can’t be healed by anyone. Because his attachment to the Force, even with the forcible way that very attachment was made, it wasn’t a wound – which meant that a Force healing would to nothing for it. 

But Hux might not realize even that. And if Kylo tried to heal the hangover – Hux might ask him to heal his ability to use the Force. 

Which Kylo would never do. Same for the Force itself, it was possessive and wouldn’t want to let Hux go now that it had had a taste. There was always an imbalance in the Force, when one or the other side fought for supremacy. But his own deeds of killing the young Jedi at Luke’s school made the imbalance even greater.

 

~~

 

Kylo eventually dropped out of his meditative state and went to see how Hux was doing. The fact that he was miserable was obvious, but Kylo decided that he’d it with the background misery and he could also do with some sleep of his own, now that Hux was more of less awake. 

He tried not to think what an upset and miserable Hux might do to him of the shuttle while he lied down and slept. His path to Rey seemed clear, but he could guess just how much Hux wanted to find Phasma and have more than words with her about that shield dropping business. 

“Hux.” He stood near the cot, next to which Hux was now lying on the floor, groaning, a blanket half covering him. Hux flinched upon the sound of his name, but Kylo wasn’t sure he actually heard what was said. “You are absolutely pathetic like this, I hope you know.”

Kylo stooped down to pull the blanket away. The sudden movement made Hux flinch once again and curl up in something that resembled a ball. He gave off an impression of a heap of misery more than a mere ball though. “Hux.” Kylo sighed and dropped the blanket on the cot, before stooping low once again, grabbing a hold of Hux.

Which made the man flinch now a third time. “Hux?”

He heard Hux mumble something under his breath, but figured it was something extremely unflattering and didn’t bother trying to listen to it or ask again. “Come on Hux, get up from the floor.”

Not letting himself be bothered by further flinches from Hux, Kylo pulled him up and set him on the cot. Hux was slight, and come to think of it even thinner than before. He tried not let that bother him, but now a constant background worry nestled somewhere in his consciousness. 

Hux mumbled something a bit louder, but Kylo still couldn’t hear him clearly. Deciding to humor him, he said “What’s that? I can’t hear you, Hux.” And leaned closer – putting him in biting or lashing out range, but he wasn’t overtly worried about it. Hux was just too pathetic right now to hurt him too much.

“I said. Asshole. That I’m not. Pathetic. You are.” 

_Yep, there it was._

Kylo sighed and stood up again. “And here I was willing to pity you.”

Which, true, might not be the best thing to say, but he still said it.

A shocked silence from Hux, followed by “Asshole.” and pulling the blanked over himself, hiding from both Kylo and rest of the world at the same time. “You know, I’m actually glad that you decided to go and find the scavenger for, shit, for being your apprentice instead of me.”

“And why is that?” Now Kylo himself was confused – Hux seemed so upset about it yesterday. 

“Because now I realize who she will be together with when you do find her.”

Kylo frowned. He had a feeling he knew where this was going. And he really didn’t want now to be the _moment_ when he was finally forced to realize the possible consequences of his wishes to find Rey.

“Luke Skywalker. And that man, he will beat your ass. Along with the girl – they both despise you, don’t they?”

Kylo really wanted to yell back the insult Hux leveled at him not a moment earlier. But calling Hux an asshole wouldn’t change anything. Because he knew Hux was an asshole, he had known it for a very long time. 

The issue at hand was a thing he had to consider. And instead of working it out he had buried his head in the sand (as irritating as it might get, it was place to hide so many great things). He could always call Hux an asshole for bringing it up. 

But it still left him with the problem – what was waiting for him once he gets close enough to Rey.

Deciding to ignore it once again, in favor of tormenting a miserable Hux, Kylo left to the supply closet for caff and something that might resemble a breakfast. Hux had moved from insults to giggling behind him, with an infrequent ‘ow’ to indicate his hurting head, as well as everything else. 

Kylo had no pity for him. Hux went and got drunk all of his own free volition. He did feel some sympathy him that was true.

Having scrounged up some breakfast Kylo returned to find Hux now huddling on the cot, with a blanket over him, slightly shivering. His presence in the Force was now more calm, as if settled. There was a feeling of resignation, which for Hux was the same as acceptance. Along with misery and nausea, but those two were purely physical sensations, and Kylo knew how to battle them. 

As long as this day stayed still and calm, they could take a breath.

“You know, wishing for a calm day is exactly what attracts trouble.” Hux murmured from underneath the blanked, shifting a bit – curling in on himself.

Kylo didn’t even feel when Hux had slipped in his mind. Now that he was looking for it, he could feel a foreign – yet so familiar – sensation in his mind. He had been so used to feeling Snoke in his mind, that his absence had hurt. And now having Hux fill that void felt like the best feeling he could have wished for.

He sensed that Hux had slipped there unintentionally, and didn’t want to startle him into retreating. He reached out with his own mind, welcoming the presence, inviting it further. Hux’s presence shivered – along with the man on the cot – upon Kylo’s touch, but didn’t retreat. Slowly they tangled together, learning about each other, getting used to the feeling of not being alone. 

Through the connection Kylo could feel Hux’s thoughts, but didn’t intrude, knowing that this moment of peace would then shatter immediately. Instead he opened his own mind, inviting Hux to see all of him, his grotesque being. 

Kylo felt when Hux reached further, now consciously. With purpose. “You are really messed up, Ren. And- and that’s saying a lot, especially coming from me.” Hux said a little above a whisper. But he didn’t retreat from Kylo’s mind. 

He reached out to all the borders, touching and exploring before curling up and anchoring himself deep in his mind. Kylo shuddered at the intimacy. This was nothing like Snoke in his head. Kylo shuddered as well, liking the new sensation just a tad too much. 

He didn’t even notice when Hux fell again asleep, his presence still there in his mind. His own hunger let itself known, caff now less piping hot and very welcome. Kylo reached out a hand, laying it on Hux’s shoulder, wanting to reach the man physically as well. 

He left a ration bar and water next to the cot, for when Hux would wake up before retreating from the space. Taking a seat in the pilot’s chair, Kylo was staring out the view port. Thinking of a blue covered planet, full of little islands, where Rey and Luke were surely awaiting him. And Hux was right – it wouldn’t be with open arms and forgiving hearts. It would be with more injury and possible death. 

But it was still the better option than the Resistance. They would arrest and trial both of them. And he didn’t want Hux in their hands. Never. Their morals were rigid and unchangeable – same as Hux, if he thought about it.


	3. take a single step to move forward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Can you make them turn around?” Hux asked, taking a step closer to the console in front of him. “Tell them that this isn’t the ship they are looking for?”
> 
> “That’s not how the Force works.”
> 
> “Really?” Hux muttered, but didn’t continue with any comments regarding Kylo and his abilities to get rid of people by using the Force.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The final chapter is here!
> 
> Thank you everyone who commented on chapter two :)

He woke up to a crash. Metal screeching amid a horrible grinding noise.

Kylo had fallen asleep in the pilot’s chair while waiting out Hux’s hangover. With the ship wobbling about, knocked out its previous floating trajectory Kylo’s nap time was officially over – someone was insistently knocking at their door. Taking a look at the sensors he saw three unknown ships surrounding them. 

Through the viewport, he could see the closest of them, the same one that rammed them – it was clearly a piece of junk, but well armed. Probably pirates or smugglers, or someone else just as not welcome to get their filthy hands on Kylo’s ship. Kylo knew the weapon systems the ship were good, but not as good to get out unscathed when three ships shot at the same time. 

“Shit.” Came Hux’s voice from behind him. Not turning around, Kylo checked the shields – they were steady. “Can you make them turn around?” Hux asked, taking a step closer to the console in front of him. “Tell them that this isn’t the ship they are looking for?”

“That’s not how the Force works.”

“Really?” Hux muttered, but didn’t continue with any comments regarding Kylo and his abilities to get rid of people by using the Force.

Hux did comment further on the situation at hand, “Well? Do something! Shoot them down.” Which sounded like a reasonable thing, but wasn’t really. It would be easy to shoot the closest and make a runner, but their own ship definitely would get damaged in the process, even with the shields. The pirate ships were simply larger and better armed then a lone Upsilon class shuttle. 

Kylo didn’t want to die today – even less this very second. Focusing outwards he started feeling Hux in the Force stronger and stronger with every passing second. Hux got more agitated while they were just standing here, waiting for the pirates and the miscreants of the galaxy to shoot first and loot their corpses.

“We can’t just keep standing here and do nothing.” Hux muttered shifting from foot to foot behind the pilot’s seat. 

It was in that moment that the alleged pirates sent them a message. Which was just one word, _“Surrender.”_

“Not going to do that!” Hux shouted at the viewport looking right at the closest ship. It was slightly bigger then the two others surrounding them. So the leaders of that rag-tag bunch then. Kylo could just envision what their daily lives were all to well. He didn’t need another reminder of Han Solo today.

Kylo kept assessing the situation, internally indecisive about things, and currently doing nothing. He was half meditating, hoping to get a clear response from the Force to see what the correct course of action should be. But all the could feel was Hux. 

They didn’t reply to the message asking to surrender and the pirates closed in. 

“We’ll be boarded!” Hux hissed in Kylo’s ear, grabbing onto the pilot’s chair, nails biting into the upholstery. Wishing it was Kylo’s shoulder instead. When Kylo still didn’t do anything, Hux cursed under his breath and left the cabin. Finding a gun seemed far more important right now.

He didn’t hear Kylo following him. 

The horrible grinding noise sounded again – the tractor beam had activated and just now crashed the two ships together. Something was definitely trying to get in. But at least through the airlock and not through the side of the ship. It was clear that the pirates were still planning on utilizing this ship and not just scrapping it.

Two things happened at the same time.

The airlock popped open – admitting the pirates. And Kylo Ren grabbed Hux by the neck – not even squeezing, just channeling the Force through him.

Hux’s hand faltered on the gun he had grabbed, making it drop to the ground with a clang. The Force swirled and felt like it would shake everything apart in Hux. He gasped and tried to stop himself, but with Kylo doing whatever he was doing the Force did not want to submit. It spread its power and destruction all through she ship they were on and through the airlock – towards the pirates. 

An unholy scream rent the air. Hux only later figured out it was him screaming – in the Force and aloud as well. All Hux could really feel happening around and in him was things going critical and things dying. Everyone in the connected pirate ship got torn into shreds.

Kylo was keeping their own ship safe, and simultaneously kept channeling more and more Force into Hux. The untrained Force and Hux’s will to make it stop clashed and the result was even more destructive.

When everything in the pirate ship was dead, both beings and electronics, Kylo stopped channeling the Force. Then slammed the airlock closed and let his hold on Hux falter – he crumpled on the floor as if all the strings that were holding him up were suddenly cut.

The pirate ship started drifting away and Kylo could hear one the other ships now shooting at them. As it was, the other ship was already slightly retreating – probably happy with the death of current leadership. Kylo ran back towards the console and sent a message, “Leave or the same fate will befall you as well.” 

Effectively overdramatic, but anyone taking a look at the mangled ship would see that the threat was very real. They didn’t have to know that the person behind that destruction was currently kissing the deck unconscious.

The pirate ships left. 

As soon as they did, Kylo calculated a jump to get away from that particular location in space. It would be good to stay in hyperspace for a while.

He winced and turned to get back to where Hux was still lying on the floor. He would really not be happy about this.

 

~~

 

Hux really _really_ wasn’t happy about what happened. But first Kylo had to do something about his bleeding arm. Hux had woken up angry – betrayed – and very pissed off. So he had grabbed the first thing that was sharp and tried to get rid of Kylo once and for all.

Exhaustion and the intense headache didn’t let him achieve his goal of getting rid of Kylo, but he made a valiant attempt. 

“You try that again! And I will absolutely stab you! In the face!” Hux was now back on the cot, trying to suppress the ache that started in his head and continued all through his nervous system. “I am not a fucking circuit that you can just send the Force trough!”

Kylo was dabbing some bacta on his wound and decided not to comment on anything right now. It would end even more badly for him. He knew he should have asked before doing what he did, but the idea came to him from the Force and he didn’t question it.

Maybe he should have. The way Hux was feeling in the Force was once again – _wrong_. Like something had been stretched too far and now can’t be put back together. Kylo gulped and truly wished for a do over. 

But nothing will grant him one now.

The wound was bandaged and finally the bleeding had stopped. Hux was harshly breathing on the cot, blocking out the overhead light with the blanket – looking a very pathetic lump. Kylo stepped closer. He knew doing anything would make him a target for more of Hux’s ire, but it was unavoidable. He had to do something to make the feeling of wrongness go away. 

Kylo deliberated asking for permission to touch Hux, but decided to better ask for forgiveness later when they were both clear headed. Kylo reached out his hands and put them both on top of the blanket covering Hux. 

Hux stiffened and the Force in him growled – not liking Kylo so near.

Kylo let the Force flow calmly, trying to sooth the agitated way the Force in Hux was still reacting to his presence. It was like calming a distraught animal. With more effort applied – slowly and painstakingly it worked. Hux was slowly breathing easier and calmer. 

“I hate you.”

“I know.” 

Kylo felt like something immense shifted in the universe, some small detail that would have enormous, far reaching and improbable consequences just because of what they just now said. The Force around them seemed .. amused.

 

~~

 

“What even was that?” Hux asked later. After they both took a well deserved break from each other, after some sleep and food. 

“Your Force is untamed – more destructive and less .. specifically directed. So I .. _pushed you_.” Kylo replied, looking at Hux over the rim of a cup. No alcohol in his cup, just some calming tea. 

“ _Pushed me_.” Hux repeated, putting his – in his case tea with alcohol – cup on the table surface. “You went too far.” The betrayal was still there, not fully addressed. Not even little bit addressed. An apology was in order.

“I’m sorry. It seemed like the right thing to do in the moment. I .. didn’t think it-”

“Yes, you didn’t! Think. You should.” Hux raised his voice to almost yelling.

“I really am sorry.” Kylo made himself not to say what he wanted – that the Force had guided him. He didn’t think Hux would appreciate that. Not now, not so soon after this.

“I don’t need you to be sorry! I need you to never do that again!” Hux shouted. This wasn’t just a raised voice. This was that betrayal breaking out of bounds. Kylo sucked a quick breath in. This felt all wrong again. His soothing hadn’t worked. Or if it had – not enough. Because the betrayal was still there.

Hux stood. When Kylo lifted his head to look Hux in the eyes and sincerely apologize again he froze. 

Pure yellow eyes were looking back at him. 

This was no fake Sith, Hux with uncontrolled Force – the yellow eyes before seemed dim compared to this. This was hate and anger and betrayal that made Force feel like on fire around Hux. A directed and pulsing sense of evil surrounding everything. Kylo couldn’t even feel Hux in the Force anymore. There was just a vortex of emotion all directed towards Kylo. Malevolent. 

Kylo dropped his cup of tea and was slowly backing up – with hands up, trying to ward of the being before him. Because the thing in front of him really felt like something else and not his co-commander, the slightly annoying but ultimately useful person to be around. No, this was – _wrong_. 

It was wrong. 

Hux didn’t even say anything, he just kept looking at Kylo – seething, as if collecting all the Force from around him to build up one big attack. Most likely disintegrating Kylo, the ship and everything surrounding the both of them. 

Kylo called upon the Force to help him, but everything around him still felt wrong and any move he tried to make kept feeding the Force Hux continued gathering. He needed a new stratagem. And fast.

There was one, but Kylo did not want to go down that path, not for anything.

But if he did nothing both he and Hux would perish here and now. He new instinctively that if he didn’t do the one thing he swore to never do again, then everything would to be lost. Irrecoverably. Never to get back. 

He had to do it.

Kylo called upon the light side – it felt like a betrayal to his own self, his aspirations and plans, but if he wanted himself and Hux to survive he didn’t have any another second to waste and choice to make.

He gathered the light and calming Force closer and closer – like gathering a little flame in his hand, to illuminate a dark cave he had wondered into.

And that one little light had power – it made the dark disperse, it shone into all the cracks and corners. Kylo took a step closer. 

Both Hux and the malevolent Force surrounding him growled. The ship shuddered and dropped out of hyperspace. 

In any other situation Kylo would have been amused, but this here and now did not feel jovial in any possible way. Not even ten years later as a possible topic to reminisce about. 

The light side to the Force was working, Kylo felt like he was once again being torn in two halves. Being pulled in two opposite directions. The dark side was right there – in his reach, surrounding Hux and beckoning him closer. But the light side was repeating just the one single idea. If he let himself go dark, this point in space and time will cease to exist and there would be nothing left of him and Hux.

Kylo took another step closer. 

Hux growled louder and crouched, as if getting ready to pounce. 

Another and yet another step closer, Hux still growling and Force swirling around them. The dark was angry. All the little things, not secured down to walls or floor were getting tossed against the walls – the Force clearing out the battlefield.

They were almost in touching distance when Hux leapt at him – Kylo opened his hands to catch him, still holding onto the light. He used his bulk and Hux’s earlier exhaustion to pin him to the ground. Hux was thrashing. The growl was slowly turning into a plaintive keen. 

Kylo kept flooding everything with the light and calm. 

Slowly, very slowly the yellow in Hux’s eyes was dimming. The green finally returned in increments – every time Kylo thought he had banished the dark side it came back. Something heavy flew over his head and crashed into the wall behind them.

On the fourth go Hux went limp. The keening had stopped, and so did the trembling of the ship. Everything was still and silent. 

It was then that Kylo realized Hux wasn’t breathing. 

“Hux!” Kylo yelled, still crouching over Hux. This wasn’t happening. “ _Hux, no!_ ” 

Kylo put one hand on Hux’s chest, feeling for a heartbeat. There was nothing. Trying not to panic (and failing), Kylo grabbed a hold on the Force and pushed it into Hux. He wasn’t even sure if it was light or dark – it was only intent. 

One singular wish. 

For Hux to be alive. 

After seconds that felt like several eternities over the Force granted this wish – Hux seized in his hands and drew a harsh breath, his eyes opening. Not focusing on anything particular, just looking up.

“Hux. You’re okay, you’re fine.” Kylo cradled him closer, not letting anything get near them. A full-body hug, and he wasn’t rushing to let go of Hux anytime soon.

They sat there huddled on the ground for a long time – Kylo didn’t pay attention to time. His way to measure things was listening to Hux’s heartbeat and feeling the rising and falling of his chest. Hux breathing was the best sound in the universe at the moment. 

It was later, so much later, that Hux finally stirred – slowly at first, then all at once. Kylo held him closer, not wanting to let go, not even for a moment. “You’re okay, everything is fine.” Even if everything wasn’t. Kylo held onto the hope that everything would be. 

“What .. what happened?” Hux asked in a scratchy voice, as if it had yelled itself out for a very long time. Kylo wanted to shush him, tell him not to talk. 

“You- The Force overtook you. You eyes, they-” Kylo didn’t finish the sentence, book leaning back and looking into Hux’s eyes, it was clear – he understood what had happened. “What I did, before, was inexcusable. I would fall on my knees begging you to forgive me. But the Force, it-.” Kylo didn’t even know how to describe the things that occurred.

Not even full sentences came out of Kylo’s mouth, but Hux listened to them before shuddering and saying, “It felt as if I was being pulled away – a particle by particle in every direction. Pulled thin and then some more. I think- I think the Force wanted to _eat me_ , to consume everything that I am.” 

Kylo could only gather him closer, against his chest and never wishing to let go. “I’m sorry. Really I am. This never should have happened to you. It- it’s not fair.” Kylo still wasn’t sure if that was about Hux getting the Force at all or the situation they were in now. 

“What did you do? To- To have me back?” A plaintive voice, Hux turning slightly in Kylo’s embrace. 

“Something I swore not to do. But it was the only way. The only way, Hux!” Kylo almost wanted to should that, but instead whispered into Hux’s hair, gathering him even closer. “The light side of the Force. I had to calm you. The light side is nasty that way, it controls and oppresses. But the dark – you are the one who controls the dark.”

“I beg to fucking differ.” Hux replied. “There was zero control on my part. The dark took everything I was.” 

Kylo kept silent. Hux was right – that was mean and selfish of the Force. Kylo had no intention of letting Hux go where he can’t follow. It now seemed that the dark side wasn’t a place they, either of them, were bound to end up in. 

Kylo sighed. “I hate this.” He looked up – his gaze drifting somewhere far in the distance. “I wanted to devote myself to the dark. But now – I’m afraid that path is closed to me. I will not be party to your destruction.”

“Please don’t tell me you’ll convert back to the light.” Hux said, rather incredulously. They were still there on the ground, little aches and pains were begging for attention, but they ignored them.

“No. I can’t. I will _not_.” It wasn’t something he could even attempt. There was too much dark in him. But the pull to the light was undeniable. “A balance.”

“Sounds good.” Hux muttered, halfway to sleep. “Tell me when you achieve that. I could do with some useful tips.”

“Don’t get smart.” Kylo laughed, lifting a hand up and then running it through Hux’s hair. And since what was that a thing? Even recently they were arguing with each other, trading insults. Even fighting. But since waking up at Snoke’s Citadel – its been touches and moments of calming and now this. Kylo had no idea what they were doing. 

 

~~

 

“We need to find Rey. And probably Skywalker as well.” Kylo declared a day later while they were eating ration bars and slightly stale caff. They had drifted further in space and finally parked at an asteroid field, taking a break. They still had no real leads as to where they have to get to, just the Force pointing them in a direction. But was it towards where Rey and Luke Skywalker were, or a place the Force wanted them to get to?

“Again with that? I thought- never mind what I thought.” Hux turned away from the little table, planning on leaving the room. 

“What? Hux. Tell me.” Kylo put the caff down, half rising from his chair.

“I thought you were going to teach _me_.” Hux stopped in the doorway with his back to Kylo. Just slightly curling in on himself, as if unsure of what he said – waiting for rejection and laughter. “But if you are still dead set on that girl-”

Kylo interrupted, “No, Hux! I-.” He took a step away from the table slowly. The another, and another, all the while talking, “I want to teach you. I will do it. But- but I, damn it Hux,” sigh, “I need help.” Kylo stopped just out of reach, one hand extended – ready to grab Hux from leaving.

Hux turned around, lifting one hand up, pointing a finger at his chest, “The great and mighty Kylo Ren. Needs _help_.” The look on his face was doubtful and incredulous. 

“Don’t laugh.” Kylo stood his ground, even inching further trying to push away that finger with his chest. 

“But how can I not, when you say such funny things.” But Hux’s face had nothing in it that belayed laughter or even amusement. 

Hux looked down, where his finger was now stabbing into Kylo’s abdomen. He curled his fingers together to make a fist and used that to try and push Kylo backwards. Kylo went. “Then tell me, please. What need you have of the girl Rey and Luke Skywalker? What help will they provide? Aside from my death? A possible lifelong incarceration?” Hux looked up, right into Kylo’s eyes. “Unless someone .. unsavory gets to me first – wherever they hope to hold me.” 

“They wont.” Kylo tried to assure.

“And how do you know?” A head tilt to the side. It made bangs fall onto Hux’s forehead, giving him an almost innocent look. 

“Because I won’t let them. And with your Force you could level them.” Kylo confessed. It had kept nagging him that Hux was in some ways more powerful then Kylo. But at the same time he felt a bit proud that he had a companion – even if mightily annoying at times – who had the Force. Someone he could share wisdom with. 

“And you would not pull me back?” The head tilt stayed and Hux narrowed his eyes, intent. “You would let me? Just like that – killing your precious uncle and his sweet apprentice?”

“Yes.” Kylo breathed out, nodding. “If if meant I could keep you.” He understood he misspoke just as the words tumbled out of his mouth.

“Keep me? Possessive much?” Now there was a smirk in Hux’s face – verging on insolent, and Hux’s eyes went up and then all the way down. Assessing Kylo as if for the first time. “Am I a treasure to be kept on a pedestal?”

Kylo groaned, he really didn’t appreciate the teasing. “More like a dagger, meant to stab things.”

“Mmm, I can get behind that mental image.” An actual smile bloomed on Hux’s face, a real mirth in his expression. It seemed a rare occurrence, never to be seen again. Kylo memorized it, tracking all the minute changes in Hux’s face. It felt like that to him also – as if Kylo was seeing Hux for the very first time.

“And how do we find the two of them? I don’t suppose the Force has a handy directory for finding people.” Hux asked, taking a step closer and then brushing past Kylo with lots of unnecessary body contact. Brushing a hand against Kylo’s side.

“A directory no, but the Force can help me find them, yes.” Kylo shut his eyes. It seemed that Hux was ready to exploit his wish to posses him fully, embracing it. Kylo could hit himself in the face for slipping, but he didn’t – he liked that Hux was like that. He would have been bored by someone cowed or timid. Someone who knew what they liked and didn’t hesitate to get it was what attracted him to other people in the past.

“How then?” Hux asked, having sat down back. A cup of caf was put back to reheat. Cold caf was about as bad as stale, but at least when hot it was bearable. 

“Meditation.” Kylo said, turning around and joining Hux at the table. He ignored the caf and picked up the half eaten ration bar. “Now that I need their help, the Force will realize my intent and will. Hopefully. Be more helpful.” Kylo tried to ignore his previous meditation attempts to find Rey and how the Force didn’t give him a direct answer before.

“Hopefully.” Hux’s intent look was locked onto him. Questioning.

“Hopefully.” Kylo repeated.

Soon after Hux seemingly got tired of staring at Kylo and left. The ship was still docked onto the asteroid. Kylo felt Hux tucking himself away in the pilot’s chair – just looking at the stars. He felt contemplative, the same feel he had sometimes when standing at the great viewports of the Finalizer.

Kylo slowly disconnected from feeling the chair he was sitting on, the surface he was leaning against, the ship he was in and finally Hux – which for a second felt like a great loss – before plunging into the Force. 

His intent was simple. Locate Rey and uncle Luke for help. It wasn’t a cry for help for himself, wasn’t something unselfish (though he could equalize Hux with him own self and turn his goal even more selfish) – it was somewhat nobly altruistic. The intent wasn’t dark. 

The Force entwined him, surrounded him from all sides. It was like static and he couldn’t hear or see anything for a while. The answer slowly approached him, like from a great afar, rushing closer and closer.

A series of islands, surrounded by water. If Kylo could have felt his body at the moment he would have cursed because it was the same island as he had seen before. First in Rey’s mind, then later in his attempt at mediation. But currently he wasn’t aware of anything but the Force and what it was showing him. He wasn’t surprised. The island where they both were on was right here – just a confirmation of something he had known even before Starkiller was destroyed.

Kylo was now able to see the path towards it – they were already traversing it. Moving closer and closer with every stop and decision they had made.

The Force, seemingly satisfied, abruptly let him go. Kylo slumped in his seat, breathing harshly. He knew where to go.

Kylo jumped up from his seat, rushing towards Hux. He wanted to yell a course and location, but when he came closer, he stopped on the threshold. Hux had curled up with a blanket in the pilot’s chair, looking cozy, but at the same time extremely sad. There was a peculiar feeling in the Force coming from him. 

Kylo took a few steps further, until he reached the chair and he could put one palm against Hux’s cheek. “It is not a curse. The Force. I know it seems like that right now. But. Hux. I promise you.” He leaned forwards, and kissed Hux on his other cheek. “Everything will be good. We will win against the Force. It will not control us.”

**Author's Note:**

> my kylux blog @ huxxkylo


End file.
